You Only Live Once

You Only Live Once - YOLO - it's my personal motto, I even have it tattooed on my arm.

In May 2013 I lost one of the best people I ever met.

On Monday, May 6th, 2013 I was sitting in my job orientation for the hospital I was starting at. It was really boring so I decided to check my Facebook account. Someone had posted R.I.P "T" and I was hoping it was not the person I knew, I wanted it to be a mistake. As I scrolled though my Facebook it was a continued post from others.

I jumped up out of my seat and ran into the hallway to call everyone I knew back home in Missouri as I now live in Florida. No one was answering their phones so I called my mother to see if she knew anything to no avail. I found a little secluded area and feel to the floor crying like there was no tomorrow.

I couldn't get ahold of anyone and sadness continued to fill my heart.

Now, this was not the first death I've known but this one was so raw and extreme for me because T stilled had so much to give the world. He was supposed to be here. He was supposed to give more to the world. There was no way he could just be gone.

I eventually spoke with someone who told me that T had died in a fire and my best friend/sister was in the hospital with 3rd degree burns all over her body but luckily their two boys made it out of the house without a scratch.

I went home and the tears wouldn't stop, no matter what I did or what anyone said to me, my heart just couldn't take the pain. I had never cried so much in my life. I remember my son coming in my room and begging me not to cry because my friend would come back just like Jesus did. He truly is the sweetest kid ever.

Later that night I booked a flight back home to Kansas City, MO for the Wednesday because I knew once I left I wouldn't be back for a while and I wanted to spend that Tuesday with my children. I still hadn't talked to anyone in her family or anything to get any real details and I had no idea which hospital my friend was in. It wasn't until I was boarding the plane on Wednesday that my friends sister called me.

I hadn't seen them for a few years at this point because sometimes life gets in the way and you take people for granted and think you will just see them later which is why I didn't have any updated phone numbers for anyone. I did have my best friend's number but the voicemail box was full and she of course she didn't have her with her.

When I got to Kansas City I got a rental and headed straight to the hospital and when I saw her for the first time I was in shock. She was burned so badly I wanted the ground to swallow me up because the pain was to much to bare. I wanted to take her pain away, I wanted to be the one in that hospital bed instead of her. I slept by her side that night and every night for the next month. I had forgotten what a bed felt like. I went back to Florida once and face timed with my children everyday.

Everyday I felt so lost. I normally don't tell people that I am an RN when I go to any hospital because they act a bit different but with this situation I had to. I know that most burn patients die from infection and I refused to let that happen to my friend and she never got one infection and most of her nurses hated me because I on the MD's, ARNP's and nurses like there was not tomorrow. I didn't care, not one bit.

My soul has not been the same since.

YOLO - remember that and live your life because you never know what will happen next.